Total Devastation... with a Blessing for an ending

My parents told us at the beginning of the week that they were going to come out and visit... together! Which RARELY happens! Somehow, one or the other always manages to make it out here for a visit... so this was exciting stuff. They were going to come in on Wednesday right about the time I got off work. I planned to take a few hours off on Friday for their last real day and so did Gregg. Things were great!..... right? Wrong!

I picked my parents up at the airport and we stopped by the grocery store as usual on the way home to pick up any necessities for their visit. I hadn't had a chance to use the bathroom before I left work, so I HAD to go at the grocery store... YUCK! Well, because I have had a lot of fear of something bad happening, I typically just check to make sure I don't have any bleeding (Sorry of this is Too Much Information!... but it's necessary!).

Well, my worst nightmare had come true. Right there, in the Smith's grocery store bathroom, I realized I was bleeding. I was truly devestated and shocked. My parents just happy to be there were walking around the grocery store getting random things... I had to walk up to my Dad who was the first one I came across... he could see something was wrong... and tell him that we had miscarried. I started crying and found my Mom. There we were, crying in the middle of the grocery store... I was DEVASTED. I didn't know what to do. The floor had fallen right out from under me. The future we were planning, the changes we were making physically, mentally and emotionally were crumbling right then and there. I didn't want to have to tell Gregg... oh God, I didn't want to have to tell Gregg. And all my friends that I'd told? I was empty inside... and angry. I did get a hold of Gregg and told him. By the time we got home from the grocery store, he was home. Gregg and I hugged and cried. I called the Dr. for the office I'm going through and we decided it would be best to wait until the morning and get an ultrasound and blood test. So, that night, we got it out... Gregg called his parents, we all cried... we were all sad and prepared for the worst.

The next day, the whole family went to St. Mark's to start the process. Gregg and I were expecting the worst. I went to the ultrasound first. After a little process thanks to some bad information to chug water (Mother!), the Dr. (Dr. Ball) said, well I'm going to need you to go empty your bladder again, BUT... I DO SEE THE HEARTBEAT RIGHT HERE..... DO YOU GUYS SEE THE HEARTBEAT! I about started bawling right there on the table. The Dr. said... "Well, when it's the size of a rice krispy, it's hard to see everything, but you can see the flickering... that's the heartbeat". We were on cloud nine... we still had a heartbeat! Our rice krispy was still there... alive and kicking! We truly just couldn't believe it.

Getting to tell my parents was so great... my Mom started bawling yet again. It was SO GOOD to have them here. We needed the support. After talking with Dr. Ball and being lucky enough to get to talk to my actual physician, Dr. Kinghorn, the bleeding was caused by one of two things: 1. It's a hematoma (blood clot) which 60% of the time will result in a totally normal pregnancy or 2. It was a twin that stopped developing. Either way, for the most part, it sounds as though neither will really affect our beautiful rice krispy that is growing at a normal pace for 6 weeks. There was one other abnormality with my ultrasound, there is something appearing on the outside of the uterus.... which could be something that is providing the hormones to the baby... which is a GREAT thing and the option we're hoping for.... OR it could be a second or third embryo which could mean ectopic... which would mean they would have to terminate the healthy baby in order to treat the ectopic pregnancy. The Dr. said that that is a 5% chance or 1 in 30,000.... so, we're really praying that it's not what it is. I have an additional ultrasound on the 23rd so that they can see what has changed and maybe clear some things up.

But Gregg and I learned that Prayer can be challenging at times. We prayed so hard and were so grateful, but we discovered the common question, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" "Why would God do this", etc. We also prayed for forgiveness for the anger. Those questions may never have the perfect answer, but right now... they aren't questions we're going to have to torment ourselves over. We were BLESSED. We continue to be BLESSED. Our rice krispy, our future baby, is still with us. We know the hard road is not over, but for now, this was an emotional, difficult detour. We pray that God will continue to bless our lives with this baby. And we were so thankful to have family here to support us and help us through what was, by far, the hardest two days of our marriage.