We Became a Family of Four!- 8/14/2014- 6 weeks early

I've been trying to sit down and write an update, but so much happened the night our lives changed yet again, that's it's hard to get it all down!  But here we go, because I don't want to forget as it was a complete whirlwind of a week.

Gregg came to Minnesota for the month of August to do an Emergency Medicine away rotation at Hennepin County Medical Center.  So, with the doctor's okay to fly prior to 36 weeks, we planned for Kaylen and I to spend 10 days in Minnesota with him and with the family. Julie and Doug also booked a trip to be there for my Mom's family reunion on August 16th.

We had been having a great week, swimming in the pool, taking boat and jet ski rides on the river and Kaylen getting completely spoiled by loved ones.  Julie and Doug flew in on the 13th, but planned to spend the 14th and through the weekend with us. I had made a visit to Regions Hospital on Wednesday the 13th at the advice of my Portland OB office to be sure I wasn't leaking amniotic fluid, but after a test was done, it was determined I was not. The Dr also checked my cervix and I was now 1 centimeter dilated.  I thought nothing of that as I'd had friends be centimeters dilated through the end of their pregnancy.  On Thursday morning, my friend, Jacki, stopped over at the house the morning of the 14th and not long after, Julie and Doug walked through the door.  They took Kaylen shopping and we eventually headed over to the river house to spend the day. 

Kaylen played at the river, took a boat ride, Kaylen and I swam in the river, and started to make a yummy dinner that the entire family would eat out on the deck overlooking the river on a beautiful night.  While helping make the salad, I started to not feel well and had some "waves" of nausea hit me with some back pain.  In the recent weeks, this wasn't super alarming as I'd had not always felt good, so pushed on.  During dinner, my "waves" started to get a little more uncomfortable to the point that after dinner, I went inside to lay on the couch to start tracking them.  They increasingly got more painful now to the point that I wanted to cry. I was determined that I was just waiting these out and they were some false labor contractions as some of my friends who had recently had babies had experienced.  But Gregg and Julie decided it was time to go back to the hospital to be checked.  Thank God they did.  Doug and Julie drove me back to Regions and ensured Gregg they would call if it was labor or otherwise. However, I contracted regularly the entire way to the hospital and by the time I got to the hospital, I was nonstop contracting and in lots and lots of pain.  I asked to use the restroom and discovered about that time, that it was real labor.  I asked Julie to call Gregg and shortly thereafter, I heard her tell Gregg on the phone, Get to the hospital sweet pea, you're going to have a baby tonight. I looked at  her and just told her no. :-)  Ahh, what happens to your brain when you're caught completely off guard.  I was still so sure that this was not happening.  I was 34 weeks and 2 days.  Kaylen showed no signs of early labor and I was sure this was not going to happen on this trip.  We had brought nothing with us and I had a repeat c section scheduled in Portland for September 16th with a due date of September 23rd.  I had told at least 15 people who were concerned with my flying, that the Dr had okay'd it, that he wasn't going to come early, and that worst case scenario, I would be home in MN with my family should  anything happen.  Ahhhhh yes, so of course it did.

Everything thereafter went very quickly. I realized that the "small gush" of what I thought was leaking that afternoon before we took a boat ride, was my water breaking. Now that I'd reached the hospital, I was told I was 4 centimeters dilated and I don't remember the effacement, but it was then that I realized, it was all happening that night. I told them I wanted a repeat c-section as I had previously been diagnosed with Kaylen's delivery that I had pelvic disproportion and that a vaginal delivery was not likely. However, I got the impression from the day before that Regions is very pro VBAC.  They moved forward as though I would have the c-section, and I was being prepped for an epidural and we were just waiting for the fluids to go through and the anesthesiologist was on his way.  The OB, Dr. Fall, approached me asking if I would want to consider a VBAC as the baby was going to be premature and likely smaller. I have a hard time knowing where I want to go to lunch when asked, and had a REALLY difficult time deciding something that major without Gregg.  So, Julie called him for me, but I was in so much pain, I couldn't talk.  Somewhere in my head, I made some peace with the idea in that I could at least try.  I was told there was still time for the epidural as my body and mind were already exhausted and overwhelmed by the pain.  I had not done much to prepare for dealing with contractions as I had never fully considered labor unmedicated. However, while we were still waiting for the fluids, I began to feel pressure and the doctors said I was now fully effaced and in full labor. My opportunity for an epidural was GONE. Sigh.  So, full speed ahead, it was time to push.  Gregg and my Mom had made it to the hospital in time, though I didn't know my Mom was in the waiting room with Doug, which Julie and Gregg were in the room with me.  My Mom was told it was going to be a c-section and had no idea we were inside in active labor.  However, I'm not sure after she struggled watching me recover from my c-section with Kaylen, that she could've handled seeing me in that much pain. 

The doctors all told me I was doing great with pushing and at one point, Dr. Fall told me she thought it might be the next one.  However, it wasn't the next one or the next one, or the one after that.  I realized as I saw them wheel something in, that I realized I might have been holding just a little back over fear of those last pushes, that I had to get it together.  I gave it all I had, and in those last two pushes, he was out.  It took him a minute to make noise and I was petrified, until just a couple short seconds later, he was crying.  My heart soared.  I also learned later that his heart rate had begun to drop and what they had wheeled in was the vacuum.  I was so thankful that it was not necessary that it be used.  I went through a little more pain as they took care of our son and had to finish up taking care of me.... MAN, I was so over the pain! But not long after, they took me to the recovery floor.  We were told our baby boy would need to be in the NICU or at Regions, the Specialty Care Nursery, for at least 24 hours.  Little did we know at the time, that it was going to potentially be weeks. My family all got to go meet him as did I after I was allowed to leave the L&D floor. He was beautiful, perfect and amazing, just as Kaylen was the minute we all met her.

My mind was truly still blown that I had given birth to our son.  We had nothing with us, flights would have to be changed, no arrangements home would have to be made, and most importantly, the new fight would be getting our sweet guy well enough to come home, when he was ready, whenever that might be. 

Oh... and giving him a name.  We were 95% sure his first name would be Everett, but thought we had a little more time to lock that in.  Nope.  But the real struggle was with his middle name.  We had tossed around a number of family names, but really tried hard to figure out flow and sound.  Kaylen's middle name is after my paternal Grandmother, Lorraine, and I've loved her name from minute one.  Gregg let me change her first name just a couple months prior to her arrival, so I wanted Gregg to have the final say on Everett's middle name.  In the end, Kaylen and Gregg's, the votes most important, we chose Everett James. He was born August 14th at 10:16 pm, weight 4 lbs 14 oz and 18.5 inches long.... and incredibly loved.

We were all in a bit of a frenzy, so between Julie's shopping spree and Gregg's and help from my cousins Ryan and Stacy, this little guy is going to make it back to Portland with STUFF. :-)  It has been so nice to have so many really try to help and come through for us.  It has been an overwhelming process and I spend much of my time with Everett in the NICU while trying to get home for a few hours some days to spend time with Kaylen.  My parents are largely Kaylen's main caregivers and will be until Gregg and Kaylen go home on August 30th.  Everett and I will go home when he's ready.  

He is slowly making progress, taking a little more by bottle each feeding, trying to get some exposure to the breast and the rest by NG tube feeding.  As of yesterday, at a week and 1 day, he had surpassed his birth weight by an ounce.  Praying he will continue to grow and get stronger and one day soon the switch will flip and his feedings will vastly improve as will his desaturation drops in oxygen.  But he is perfect, and sweet and calm.  I asked if it was a preemie thing to not cry much and the nurses have told me no, not really.  He is just a calm sweet baby and the only thing he really doesn't enjoy is the amount of air he gets in that tiny little belly.

We are all in love with him and Kaylen has been looking forward very much to his arrival.  She is not so sure she wanted it to happen this soon, but she is doing well adjusting and giving him lots of kisses when she visits the hospital. But what I'd heard is definitely true, it was hard to believe that the overwhelming love you have for your first does not divide to love the next, but multiplies.  It overwhelms my heart just how lucky and perfect our new family of four is, but it has been an incredible experience to be able to share it at home with my family surrounded by the immense love everyone has for these two kiddos. I am anxious to get my family home and all be together, but not until he's ready that's for sure.  Just trying to live in the moment and in these moments, I'm feeling completely completely completely blessed.

Happy 4th of July!!

I realized half way through today just how much I've come to love the 4th of July and so much of that comes from my parents.  We never had just one tradition, but over the years, they created many traditions and many memories.  I have a lot of anxiety about going to overly crowded places and waiting hours to see fireworks and having a tired kiddo who can't withstand the wait.  So... long story short, unless the "big" fireworks seem easy-ish, I will find a way out of it.  Though year after year, my parents made the 4th of July special.  I have memories at the family friends' cabin we would spend many years at, I have memories of watching fireworks, not only on the 4th of July at Arrowwood Resort with my Mom's oohs and ahhs (she is REALLY good at the oohs and ahhs), and of picking out fireworks with my Dad from the box as he lit them all up.  And years later, taking boat rides down crowded rivers to watch fireworks displays and from the beach at the riverhouse when we could see them from across the river.

It had to all have been an element of work, but sure never seemed that way. They seemed to love it and now I do, too.  This year we were lucky enough for Gregg to have the day off with us AND it was on a Friday! We tossed around ideas of the beach, but Kaylen was really wanting to go on a carousel, but rather than drive to the coast just for that, we spent a few hours at Oaks Park Amusement Park (with the thousand people claiming picnicking spots for the fireworks later) and went on all the rides her little heart desired.  It was such a gorgeous day and a wonderful way to spend it outside.  She and I went to a friend's birthday dinner and Gregg got some studying done and we gave a miss to the "big" fireworks along the water front that we could've watched from my work because Kaylen was really looking forward to the package of small ones Daddy bought to do at home.  So, we made a bonfire and smores ;-) and then lit off all of ours.  She really loved getting to pick out the next one and watch them go off.  We had sparklers as we all did growing up and she really loved them... until one of those sparks landed on her wrist :-(. And the sweet girl has quite the incredible memory, so I sure hope she will someday want to do sparklers again. 

Overall it was such a great day.  She had the best smile, won herself a couple new stuffed animals, had some time with little friends at the dinner and got to do fireworks.  As we were doing the bonfire and she started the sparklers, she kept singing, this is the best day ever.  I love when she says that because it makes me feel like we're doing something right and she says it quite a bit.  She changed her mind about that after the little burn, but overall, she had a really great day.

But it also made me so grateful to have married the kind of man who loves to watch her face light up as my Dad loved to watch ours. There were moments as I got older that my Mom's oohing and ahhing became a little much,  but the best part of growing up is that I have a new found love and respect for my parents, especially as I raise kids of my own.  They are two incredible people who made incredible memories for us.  I remember a few mishaps when a firework or two would land on a dock or fall over and everyone would scatter to avoid it, but those times make memories and nobody got hurt.  Maybe minus today with our sweet girl.  But they were definitely special times.  I hope to make special memories for our kids as well.  I'm grateful for my beautiful family for which I got to enjoy the entire day from start to finish and the best two parents a kid can ask for of my own who were on my mind all day in all the ways they helped make this day and many others so special.  Granted, I was mostly grateful for the wonderful day with my family, but the 4th is about so much more and I love that we are a family who will always appreciate the freedoms and the history of living in this country. We have a lot to be thankful for.

Happy Father's Day!

So much for back. I was waiting, always waiting, a true procrastinator by nature.  And apparently pretty OCD. I had a hard time starting without starting from the beginning. I was waiting until I could give the full back brief on the years missed on this blog. Mostly the years to catch up on what I missed posting about Kaylen, pictures, things we love about her, just how much we love her, etc.  To touch on our marriage getting tough, but then our greatness coming back with a vengeance and being at the top of our game.  But then, life struck, the bad kinds of news.  The kick you in the gut and wait for it to come in threes kind of news.... and it did. Maybe we'll get to the back briefs, I hope to get there, to post some pictures these last couple years on here of our beautiful princess who we could not be more in love with. And I'll be getting to the bad news and the hard year in some posts I'm determined to get started soon.  But today is Father's Day.  And those men deserve a real mention before I can move on.

Today, I have to take the time to appreciate the wonderful men in my life.  It goes without saying, that this life provides some bad times with the good and I was not always an easy handful growing up.  But I never doubted that my parents loved me.  There are plenty of stories that we could touch on about my testing their every patience in the early years, but one of the great aspects of becoming an adult, is that you get to a point where you need your parents in evolving ways.  I need their ear, their advice, their presence in mine, their love of my children and of me.  It just gets a little simpler.  They're much more my friends and my confidants, my rocks.  And I have come to really enjoy this phase.  Sadly, we're not granted forever in this lifetime with anyone and I've spent a lifetime being anxious about the possibility of losing my parents and this last year has brought me far closer to that reality. So, I'm going to be pretty real most likely in the year to come hopefully on this blog.  I want to get my feelings, my anger, my grief, the love, the highs, the lows.... OUT.  I need to get them out and somewhere I will be able to look back on some of this journey, but I want to never forget the love and the great memories I have with those I love most.  Which is why I have no choice, but to stop procrastinating and making excuses and get back to this blog.

My Dad has always been the quiet type, much likely my grandma. Quiet strength, quiet humor, and wonderful, charming smiles. Always present, always tidbits of advice and encouragement when needed.  But there are plenty of times he's not so quiet.  He loves to have a good time and laugh and enjoy friends. And he loves to tell jokes and stories.  Whether they're ridiculous jokes or a story much about nothing, he has the ability to talk.  I definitely got my inability to make a short story short from him. He's busy, there is always much to do.  At one of their two houses, things to fix, boats to ready, houses/rivers/pools to prepare, appointments to attend to, errands to run.  In their retirement, life has anything but slowed down.  It was always impressive to me that all those lists and things to do, for my Dad, were just part of the package.  They both worked full time and well into retirement. But things like putting gas in my Mom's car before she'd leave for work in the morning or when she'd get home in the evening, stopping by the grocery store, waxing the boats for summer, yard work at our house, or other properties or just taking us all out on weekends for summer excursions on the boats or family trips, was just all part of the package.  Sure, there were times when we would drive them nuts, I'm sure, but the "work" of it all, they never made seem like work.  The packing of the food, the making of sandwiches, the packing of the cars, the trips, the flights.  I don't recall them making the process difficult.  If it was, they often wore it well. We never went without, that's for sure.  We were given great lives, and great parents.  I was given an incredible Dad, who to this day, is always a sounding board in my life.  I love him more than words and when you get that man to smile... which can often be difficult, especially if there is a camera around, can really make a moment and my heart happy.   His smile is melting like my Mom's great laugh.

When I met Gregg and my in-laws, I knew I'd struck gold.  They are incredible people and welcomed me with open arms. They knew of hard times and personal flaws and loved me anyway.  One of my first memories of my father-in-law was a long, serious chat we had after Gregg had gotten on a plane out of Salt Lake City and I was awaiting my flight after my first visit to Wyoming.  He is so easy to talk to and so accepting, never judgmental.  It's no wonder he became a Pastor because he was born to be the part. And I've been able to enjoy his love ever since. I still get the calls to check in when he knows I could use the support, the prayers and the encouragement.  He always checks in and is always an ear when I need it. He is an easy going, calm spirit and I couldn't be luckier to have him as a father-in-law and the wonderful gift he's given me in his son.

Now to close with the rock.  The rock that has helped get me through the last 12 years of my life and in particular this last.  And I know that this year was just one in the journey, as much as I hate to admit it, there are worse yet to come... along with the best, I'm sure. In all the ways Gregg is an amazing Dad, he is also as a husband. He is funny, loving, playful, fun, and incredibly loyal and protective to all he loves.  He is very busy and works very hard, but always makes us a priority as well. He has done well to find a healthy balance through medical school and always takes time for us and for Kaylen. He dotes on her and the princess she is over and over and is very much looking forward to meeting his son in September. He has a big heart and loves deep. Gregg is one of the most genuine and loyal friends I know, to us and everyone he calls a friend. He will be a forever friend to our children as well. He is hilarious and playful. It is one of my favorite things to watch he and Kaylen strike up a battle in the middle of the kitchen or living room.  I love that he is so creative, especially with her, as it's something I find I lack. But his strength is something that will continue to get us all through the good and bad times.  It has helped me through this last year in particular. He has been my rock and in the posts to come, many will focus on my other rock: my Mom.

Although life has brought a lot of ups and downs lately, I try and take the time to appreciate the many great things in my life at this moment in time.  I struggle worrying about the future.  But right now, I'm surrounded by my family and many good friends and have to take the time to spend some time in the moments I'm given with them. And grateful I am.

And we're back

Where to begin.  I've thought a hundred times over how to re-start this blog, to get back on the horse, to try again. We even got me a new computer to help me get back on the horse! And yet, it's been almost two years.  I've struggled with the guilt knowing I started this blog as something Kaylen could look back on and managed to let fall by the wayside for too long because I didn't make it a high enough priority.  As I missed more time, more pictures and more updates, it got harder and harder and harder to pick back up again.  I'm a little OCD that way in that it's hard for me to skip over and as going back and filling in the gaps became more and more daunting, it just never happened. Had some issues with contemplating changing the URL and/or making it private... ALL kinds of reasons to procrastinate in coming back.  Have I mentioned I'm a procrastinator? Thank God my husband is NOT. Long story short > major mom fail for me.

But as I embark on another new journey with my family and have committed to writing updates for my mom and her health (more on that to come.........), I knew I needed to find a way to get back to this, to posting and keeping record of my family as well. For all of us. We struggled through some hard times the last couple years and 2013 was generally not good to us (again... more on that to come... ish) and that may have helped me stay away, BUT this is a new year and with everything in me, I pray it will be a much much better year.

SO, this is my commitment (eek!) to come back.  To come back to posts and gushes about memories, updates, pictures of my beautiful family and now 4.5 yr old (WHAT!?) intelligent, funny, gorgeous daughter.  The times are flying by, they say that happens, and she is getting older right before our eyes.  Gregg continues to blow us away in all he is learning and the rate in which he's learning it.  He continues to impress greatly, score well, and strive bigger with every step.  And it's time to come back.  I didn't make a new year's resolution, but I think this is it.  Keeping up with this blog and the updates on my mom. We have been forced to accept the bad and embrace the good. Ready to continue to tell our story, to be honest with this site, regardless of who sees it but more for ourselves to help remember the journey.
 

Into a New Year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

This year, we had a low key evening out to dinner and to a classmate's house with friends. It was our style and a great night!

Us with Mario and Caitlin- our New Years playmates

Bend Ski Trip
A couple weekends after New Years, OHSU planned a ski trip to Mt. Bachelor in Bend.  We shared a cabin with a slew of Gregg's classmates/friends and had a GREAT time!  Originally, my Dad planned to come out to watch the babe, BUT he got his job back at the airline (yay Dad!) and wasn't able to make it, so my Mom came to watch our girl for the weekend. Again, so grateful and so much fun to have the weekend away!

Having drinks and dinner in Bend Friday night after our arrival
(Isaac's friend, Matt, me, Ahna, Gregg, Emily, Issac)

Gotta love all of Oregon's micro breweries!

Mt. BACHELOR!! On just my kind of gorgeous blue bird day!

Gregg and Isaac

GORGEOUS day! Our first ski/board trip in OR

Snowball fight across the highway on our way back to the resort- Div and Kasim

On the resort shuttle to go ice skating

At the party thrown by the school to end the night! Dancing!

Even GREGG got his dance on! I had to post the picture to prove it! (Gregg, Kasim, Mike, Div)                                                                                          

Mima painting Kaylen's nails                                      

Kaylen had LOTS of fun with Mima while we were away!

The part that is too bad is that we don't have pictures from the good time that Kaylen had with Mima while we were gone. But we heard that got outside, played on the swing set, did some crafts, watched movies, read books and Mima even made it downtown and back up for lunch without issue!!  So proud of her! Thanks, Mima, for all your help!  We had such a great weekend!!

Although we're thankful for the great things that came our way in 2011, it was a doozy for us, so here is to a WONDERFUL 2012!